My dream romance

Lord knows I'm not romantic; I'm rather shy in a relationship, but I enjoy having someone care for you, and having someone to kiss.

My dream romance however, is not a conventional one. Rather, it's very unlikely that I'd ever get it; I'm not attractive in the slightest, and when I have happy days, I'm either too giddy or too over the top with it.
But, my dream romance non the less, is a love triangle. A dark, obsessive love triangle. The person to be mine, I'd want them to be loving - truly so - , protective, and willing to kill for me. Hey, it's a dark romance - why not.
I'd want them to be the sort of person who is scared of letting me go somewhere without them, but still willing to give me space if I needed it. The other side of the triangle would be the obsessive one - the one who is slowly going insane without me, and would go to extreme lengths to get me - kill, mainly.

Yeah I know I know, it's dark - but hey, it'll never happen, and they're my fantasy's anyway, so *blows raspberry*

Living as a solipsist

No, it is not a religion. It is not a disorder. It is not an illness, a birth defect - it's a way of thinking.

It was only in the recent months, when I was really trying to get a full grip of who I was, that I decided to Google these words, 'the belief that only you really exist'. This, as most of my nights did, led me to Wikipidea.
And it was like someone was explaining me. Yes, I know that sounds a cliche, but who cares - it's the truth. Of course, it's not my entire way of thinking - it doesn't describe how that part of my head works perfectly, not at all.

It's like me with Deism; it fits me mostly, but I still believe in some of the Bible's words.

Get back on track please?

Yes, yes of course. Basically, solipsism is, putting it plainly, the belief that nothing else exists but yourself.

Now, if you were to Google this, which I'm sure you are to scoff and say 'who the hell believes this crap? Of course she doesn't, stupid girl', you would see that it has many different explanations for how solipsists explain things like God, relation to others, what exactly the purpose of life is, if I'm creating this world myself etc etc - now, again like Deism, not all of these are true to me.

As for who I got here, who knows?

As for if God exists, yes - of course he does. My ideas about this are.. rather limited, and I'm not one hundred percent happy with my conclusion, that we may be the only two in existence - again, I don't know. I'm not some all-knowing wizard.

As for what my purpose is, who knows?

As for if I'm creating this world myself, who knows?

As for are my relationships real or not, who knows?

You may think this is a really lonely existence, and a bleak outlook.
Not at all.
Honestly, I am still surrounded with people often (but being an introvert, I enjoy solitude after being with others) but what lead me to believe this, and Google what I did, is that for a very long time, I have often wondered and believed that, if I am not around to witness something, it will not happen, or things happen around me to make me have a certain reaction or be, belief, act in a certain way. Again, I don't know if God is causing this, or I am. Who knows. I hope to find out when I die.
Another thing; death. Wiki will tell you that solipsists don't believe in death, as others around them were never really alive anyway; this, I am in the middle about, if you understand. As for my own death, I believe what I've always believed; Heaven. Whether there will be others or just God and I, is mine to discover.
Let me think of something else to explain to you..

Hm..

 

I'll take an idea that is discussed on the wiki page - why is life imperfect, if someone has created it especially for you, Connie? I hear you ask.

 

Well. I don't know. Maybe it's to make my life more interesting, I don't know..

 

I can't explain everything to you, but if you have any questions about my views on any aspect of life, then please ask in the comments; I don't mind if they're anonymous or if you leave a name.